Playing the mental game

I have a few confessions to make....I am disappointed with myself for my lack of commitment to working out.  :-(  I have made lots of excuses and have not been holding myself accountable for the work I need to do to meet my goals.  I hate the guilt that comes along with not doing the things you know you are supposed to do.  Eating the right foods, avoiding the wrong foods, exercising.....my downfall is exercise.  I have never enjoyed it, been good at it, been consistent with it, pretty much ever done it unless I was forced to.  I know, that is pathetic.

So I looked at the calendar and realized that time had completely flown by while I blinked and I hadn't even realized it!  It had been 2 weeks since my last workout.  I did Couch to 5k on Friday and then did a 5k (my first ever!) on Saturday.  By the time Saturday night came around I could hardly walk because I had so much pain in my right heel.  I have had this happen once before.  So I was taking it easy and before I knew it 2 weeks had flown by (well maybe technically you could count the day I helped my brother move and the day I had to clean up from water damage in my basement as workouts - but not intentional ones, so I am not counting).  

I had lots of excuses - work was CRAZY busy, my foot hurt, I didn't want to injure it worse, I ran out of time (but oddly managed to find time for facebook and Pinterest.....hmmmm) - seriously I could go on for days.  But Sat for some unknown reason (I'm going with divine intervention) I was in the mood to exercise again.  So I got on the treadmill while Ali was napping and I did Couch to 5k again.  It felt sooooo good to overcome the desire to not work out.  I still hated every minute of it, lol, but I was proud of myself.  And that is a great feeling.  I would much rather be proud of myself instead of being ashamed and disappointed.

And not only was I proud of myself for actually doing it, but I was proud because I pushed myself to run all 9 times during the workout (I only did 4 last time).  I was coming up with all kinds of excuses in my head the entire time....I am just getting started so it's ok to ease into it.  If I did better than last time it's still better.  Even if I slow down now, it's still better than doing nothing.....again, I could go on for days.  But I didn't let myself quit.  For me, it was important to know that I had 9 runs to go and every one I completed was one less that I still had to do.  I counted them down.  I wanted to stop.  But I wanted to succeed more.  And I did.  And I loved the feeling of pride I had for myself for not giving up.  For pushing myself to finish. :-)

So that was when I realized that in order to get consistent with the exercise, I may have to break out the mental games.  What do I love??  Yup, food.  Especially dessert.  But it's getting harder for me to justify dessert (even if it is a better choice....a Weight Watcher ice cream bar and only 3 points) if I haven't done anything to earn it.  So I decided to use my want as a way to motivate myself.  I have decided that will only allow myself a dessert if I have done at least a 30 minute workout.  I think it will be a way for me to realize the consequences of my choices and hopefully to begin to build a habit.  Should I use food as a reward? Prob not. But I figure at this point a 3 pt WW chocolate bar is the lesser of 2 evils.  Let's get he habit built on something I was already doing and then maybe I can work on building a better habit to replace that one with. 

So how was tonight, you ask???  Sadly, no dessert.  My laundry list of excuses include:  we had family over for Easter dinner, after they left, Ali fell asleep on my lap, after I got her to bed I was tired.  So I still have work to do to stop the excuses and do it anyway.  But I am making the first steps - to realize that I am making excuses and to hold myself accountable.  So no dessert tonight.  But you can bet your sweet ass I will be getting one tomorrow!!!  :-)