Lesson of the day...perception vs reality

So today I got a lesson in making assumptions.

I went out today to get a run in before the blizzard they are predicting for us hits tonight.  5k season starts 2 weeks from yesterday....eeeeeek!    I am nervous.  I keep thinking the previous practice 5ks have been a fluke.  That when I get to race day that I will choke and have a terrible time and totally have my brain tell my body it can't run.  The mental aspect of running is such a mental struggle for me. My mind tries to tell me I can't and I keep trying to prove that I can.  I am addicted to the challenge of overcoming that negative voice in my head.  Overcoming that negativity, fear and doubt is what makes me stronger every day.

It was beautiful out today.  The sun was shining.  There wasn't much wind.  It was about 45 degrees.  The snow on the ground from the storm last week made a very peaceful and serene view!  

I have been having trouble with my shins since last Monday after my first run in my new shoes.  I haven't had shin pain since I got fitted for shoes last spring.  But I was overdue for replacing my shoes (I was literally running the tread off them).  I ended up with a different brand and on my Monday interval run and Saturday interval I experienced shin pain.  I didn't run while traveling this week, I just stuck to walking and fortunately no pain then.  But my intervals yesterday were terribly painful.  I ended up having to stop at mile 2 and change back to my old tennies.  The benefit of getting fitted for shoes at a running store is that they typically have a very generous exchange policy if you have problems with the shoes.  So I took them back today to talk to the staff about the problems I was having.  The clerk was slightly rude in my opinion, but did help me find another pair.  I didn't get to try them on my outdoor run today (if they are only used indoor, easier for them to take them back).  I am anxious to try them out tomorrow when I do treadmill intervals again.  

Today I started strong.  Maybe too strong.  Quickly into my run my shins started to burn.  I kept telling myself it was in my head.  To push through and keep going.   I slowed down to try to adjust.  I made it to the 1.5 mile point and my mind won out....I started walking.  I was mad at myself for giving in.  I felt defeated.  But I collected my thoughts and started jogging again.  And then another wave of pain came and I caved a second time and started walking again.  Again, I tried to quickly gather my thoughts and get back on track.  Fortunately a great song came on at about mile 2.0 and inspired me to pick up my pace and begin jogging again ("Back in Time" by Pitbull in case you were wondering).  And it was like I turned a corner mentally.  The pain faded.  I got into a groove.  I overcame!  I still had a few moments where I struggled to keep going, but once I started running that last time I didn't stop again until I was done!  And that is why I run....to overcome the obstacles.  

When I finished and looked at my final time, I was again frustrated.  I was mad at myself for giving into the temptation to walk and messing up my time.  I had improved my time last week from the previous week and I guess I just assumed that I would do that again today.  So when I saw the time on my screen I felt defeated and like I had failed.  I added my comments and posted it to my facebook page.  Then I went back to compare it to last week's run....and it was then that I got schooled in the lesson of perception.  I thought that having to walk indicated I had failed.  So I felt defeated.  But the reality was that my time today was slightly under my time last week!  I was SHOCKED to see that!  So lesson learned that I need to NOT make assumptions that I have failed before I even know the whole story. 

 

Week 1                                           Last week                                        TODAY!!!

What I realized was that walking doesn't define my success.  It is one factor.  It is an important aspect of my training, but not the only one.  I am still continuing to make improvements in other areas (my overall pace).  I continue to get out there and try and that is what matters.  I will work hard to continue to train for my first 5k of the season on March 9th.  My hope is that I will complete that first race by jogging the entire time.  I will continue to push forward.  But if my results are less than what I desire for myself to achieve, it will be ok.  Again, it won't define me.  

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Motivational Monday - 2/4/13

Well, while it feels like the scale still isn't moving much (still up and down from 207-210, but at least starting to hang out in the lower numbers more - I did even hit a new low this weekend of 207.0...207.6 was my previous lowest scale number) I still managed to have a few NSV's this week (non scale victories):

*  I jogged an entire 5k!  My first time ever!  This was the same route that we took for the Dash+Dine 5k in October.  It's in a park and is pretty, and a little hilly (for KS anyway).   My goal was to just go slow and steady and hope that I could finish most of it jogging, or ideally all of it.  I totally wanted to start walking right after I started.  But I kept playing my runner mind games....just go to that next bend then you can walk, oh maybe that next tree, no the bridge...and before I knew it I was at the halfway point.  Well by then it was really too late to start walking because I didn't want to waste the accomplishment I had earned so far.  Then I was down to half mile left and it seemed to drag on forever!  But I knew I would be TOTALLY pissed at myself if I gave up so I just pushed forward and finished strong.  The last sprint to the finish was amazing....someday I hope to get to the point where I feel/run like that for a whole race!  I honestly probably would have sat down and cried when I finished if I had been by myself (was with my trainer - my brother in law).  I don't run because I like to run....I run because of the power and sense of accomplishment and PRIDE that I feel when I have done something that I couldn't do yesterday or that I didn't think I could do.  That part is addicting to me!  I greatly appreciate my BIL for helping to nudge me to achieve the goals I have set for myself.  As you can see, it was not my fastest time by any means, but looks like I kept my pace fairly consistent.  And I finished...that's what really matters!  Now I can keep working on the pace.

*  I made it into a pair of size 14 Old Navy jeans (which I am told by many run small)....wooooo hooooooo!  Next size down is a 12 and I haven't been that since I was 18!  OMG I am excited for that!!!

Weekly Results:

Monday weight:  208.4 (FINALLY!  down 2.8 from last Monday! woooooo hoooo!)

Weekly scale +/- (Mon-Sun all weights):  down 3.2 for the week...YAY!

Workouts last week:  7

Workout minutes:  364

Total miles last week:  13.5

Times at the YMCA:  4

No weekly pic this week 

What NSV's can we help YOU celebrate this week?  
Leave a comment below so we can cheer you on!

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Motivational Monday - 1/7/13

Whew!  It's Monday again (at least it was when I started writing this post...oops!) and I think I am finally getting back on track after the skewed schedule of the holidays.  As usual, I had delusional grand plans to blog like crazy over the holidays.  Um yeah.  Sorry that didn't happen.  Instead I got a few things done around my house, enjoyed time with my family, worked out a bit more than usual, and put the finishing touches on the Biggest Loser contest I am hosting for fit camp....whew!  That sounds like a lot!  It was but it was a truly a blistfully relaxing holiday break!  Now that it's Monday and the first full week back at work, I am hoping I will survive!  Not sure I remember what it's like to work a 5 day week, but here goes nothing!

As you may have noticed, one of my new Year's goals was to be more consistent about logging my food.  I can say that so far so good.  You can follow me at My Fitness Pal....I can always use some more accountability partners!

I am also striving to post more on my Losing It facebook page.  Be sure to stop by there and "Like" the page.  My goal is to post something once a day....again so far so good!

So on to my weekly results (Dec 31-Jan 6)
Monday weight:  212.6

Weekly scale +/- (Mon-Sun all weights):  1.0 pound loss (but still up 1.2 from the last Monday post on 12/17...doh!)

Workouts last week:  7

Workout minutes:  235 I think - Harder to track now that I am not solely on the treadmill

Total miles last week: 14.12 (actually less - I know my runkeeper GPS was off on my 2 outdoor sessions this weekend.  Prob take off 2 miles)
No photo this week

This quote has brought me to my 2013 mission:  Variety is the spice of life.  99% of all I have been doing for exercise lately is cardio - walking/jogging on the treadmill.  It started out working great, but I hit a plateau again in December.  I have heard repeatedly that you should do 3 days cardio and 3 days strength and I have just struggled to change my routine.  So my mission right now is to add variety to my foods and workouts in an attempt to keep my body guessing.  

My main struggle this week....getting into a new routine.  I am trying to change things up so getting out of my rut is presenting some new challenges to overcome...getting myself to do different workouts, different workout times, new activities, new schedule....ah change.  I am trying to embrace it.  All in all I think its going pretty well. It definitely feels odd....going from doing the same workout all the time, at the same time of day to such varied routines, times and intensities - I am working on not feeling guilty when my workout isn't a 40 minute high intensity run.  I struggle with being ok that I get a lower calorie burn on the days I do yoga or another activity.  I am trying to get my brain to realize that I need those activities too so I can be successful.  I also struggle to keep myself on track and doing something every day.  My favorite part of having a routine is not having to think about what to do - I just would do it.  Having to think seems to give time for life to get crazy and make me question if I have time and for my inner fatty to try to come up with excuses why I should just sit on the couch instead.  But it is a process and I am striving to make today just a little better than yesterday.

What are you doing differently in 2013?

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The long and short of it

I have discovered recently that I am not a fan of distance running…like at all.  The end of c25k was super hard for me to mentally push through.  I get bored.  My mind wanders all over the place.  Seriously there are a LOT of voices in my head when I run and none of them are very good cheerleaders.  Pretty negative whiners really (and they are fat and lazy).  After completing c25k, I first I decided to alternate my running days with distance (at least 20 min straight run) and pace (begin c25k program again, working on increasing my speed).  What I VERY QUICKLY found was that I do not like the long runs.at.all.  I much preferred doing w1 again (1 min jog/90 second walk alternating 8 times).  I was able to comfortably increase my pace.  When doing c25k the first time, my speed was pretty much 4.0 mph for any of the running portions.  I really was never able to kick it up any more than that, def never past 4.2 and for the longer runs, I had to go that slow to make it to the end.   Thus, my realization that I prefer the short rather than the long distances.

I was amazed at how much easier w1 was the second time around.  I felt like I breezed through it compared to the last time.  D1 I started at 4.5 mph and made it through all 8 at that pace, and kept alternating jogging/walking to finish out a 5k.  D2 and 3 I started getting a little braver.  I kept increasing my speed to see what I could handle.  Now it was a battle with myself to keep increasing my overall pace.  And I did.  I had some good days.  I REALLY liked the 1 minute of running.  I felt like it was doable.  I didn’t find myself obsessing about watching the timer and dreading the amount of time I had left.  Time seemed to pass quickly and I wasn’t getting bored, miserable, or having to fight with myself to continue.  I had an epiphany and realized that I may never be a traditional “runner”.  I may never like running an entire 5k (or other distance).  So what?  Do I really care that I am able to run an entire 5k or would I rather keep increasing my speed?  If I am being honest with myself, the speed (and feeling confident and strong) is a bigger deal to me than being able to say I dragged my butt through the whole thing (feeling tortured through it).  I don’t want to hate it.  So I decided to continue with what I enjoy instead of making myself miserable (and risk getting frustrated and wanting to quit) by trying to make myself fit into the mold of a “runner”. 

I decided that instead of moving on to w2 I would just continue with the w1 schedule and continue working on my pace.  That started out like a good plan, but I quickly got very worried about my progress this week.   I was starting out at 4.5 for the first run interval and then increasing it by 0.1 each interval until I was at 5.0 or as far I could push myself (think 5.2 was the farthest I made it).  What I found out quickly was that I am pushing myself on the increases too quickly.  I was doing really well the first half of the 5k.  My mile 1 spilt was about 14 min.  My mile 2 spilt has been about 13 min, but I am getting GASSED by the end of the second mile (or sooner).  My overall pace has been good, but I am starting to fight myself again. 

Then Wed afternoon I stated getting a tickle in my throat and I couldn’t seem to quit clearing my throat and coughing.  By the time I was ready for bed (early for me) I started having a chest cough.  I was really worried that it would get worse overnight and I would wake up Thurs full blown sick.  I took a NyQuill and went off to dreamland, crossing my fingers.  I truly expected that when the alarm went off at 5am that I would crawl out of bed to turn it off feeling like death on toast, skip the workout and go back to bed.  But I was pleasantly surprised that I really wasn’t feeling bad.  I had some congestion to get cleared out but the bad chest cough was gone.  I couldn’t justify skipping the workout so I got dressed and headed to the treadmill anyway.  I did choose the safe route and just did a walk instead of a run.  It was the first time I have just walked in a loooooong time.  But I was super proud of myself for not skipping the workout completely.  I was back to running this morning.  Although I have to say today’s session totally sucked!  I started out feeling very strong.  But I found that I def pushed too hard too quick again today.  

So decision made, I plan to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to still do the increases, but in a way I won’t kill myself doing a 5k.  And perhaps I need a more substantial food boost before my workout?  I will be looking into that too.  I’m not sure what that will look like yet, but I will sure keep you posted!

This pretty much sums it up (my husband says I could have just posted this and spared you from my ramblings)

Oh and as an added bonus, here are a few more songs I added to my running playlist:

• Fat Bottomed Girls (Glee version) - Queen
• Hey Soul Sister (Glee version) - Train
• Teenage Dream (Glee version) - Katy Perry
• Locked out of Heaven - Bruno Mars
• What doesn't kill you (Stronger) - Kelly Clarkson
• How bad do you want it - Tim McGraw
• Some Nights - Fun.

And just so you've been forewarned....I am on vacay till Jan 2 so prepare for a blogapalooza of posts as I try to get caught up!!  

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Motivation Monday - 12/10/12

Sad to say this is the motivation I need today after my Saturday indulgence (thanks so much to my FitClub Aussie friend Kate for sharing this today....just what I needed to see!!!).  

I definitely had a set back this weekend.  It started innocently enough with a dinner date with the hubs.  I haven't had a treat meal for a while, so decided to take a bit of a splurge.  We went to a local mexican restaurant and I ordered my non-healthy favorite.  And dove a bit to deep into the chips and salsa.  And decided white cheese dip would be ok too.  So it wouldn't have been a travesty if I had stopped there.  But, unfortunately I didn't.  We were invited to go out with friends.  Mama doesn't get out too much and I made a couple of non-diet friendly choices.  But I do have to say I had fun.  Was it worth it?  Yes and no.

I really struggle when I stray from my normal routine.  I know I am supposed to allow myself a little give every now and then, but I really hate losing the momentum and progress I have worked soooooo hard to get.  I don't like having to lose the same pound (or few) more than once.  I want this process to be as efficient as possible so I can move into the next phase of the journey.  My problem is that I don't do just a bit of anything.  If I eat one piece of candy, it usually leads to the whole bag.  One cookie leads to a dozen.  You get the point...I tend to "go big or go home".  Moderation is a word I still need to look up the definition of.  Saturday was no exception.

Sunday I think I had a bit of a mental pitty party.  I did ok with my eating but I never made it a priority to get my workout in.  Which made me even more mad at myself.  One of my Dec goals was to only give myself 4 rest days for the month.  I just had my first on Fri the 7th and then turned around and burned another one two days later.  UGH!  Stupid!

Last night I gave myself a rousing halftime speech and decided to get my head back into the game.  Today was a new day!  I was back up with the too early alarm this morning and was hitting the treadmill as if I hadn't missed a beat.  I started round 2 of c25k and completed w1d1 easy peasy at an increased pace of 4.5 mph for the jog and 4.0 for the walk.  I made sure that Saturday was just a setback and not a failure.

So in posting today's stats, I am reminded that that short period of fun cost me over a week's worth of work.    But I am choosing not to dwell on that.  In the words of Rafiki from the Lion King...

So I choose to learn from it.

I will start over as many times as I need to.  And each time it gets just a little bit easier.

Here are my weekly stats - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Weekly results:

Weekly scale +/- (Mon-Sun all weights):  up 1.0 pound...womp, womp

Workouts last week:  5
Workout minutes:  235

Total miles last week: 16.1 

My weekly pic

(new to me shirt brought to you by my bestie Melissa!  love it!)

What are your struggles?  How do you pick yourself and get started again?  

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I am officially a c25k GRADUATE!

I am BEYOND THRILLED......Graduation day is finally here!!!!!  I am now officially a c25k graduate!  I have done all 24 training sessions. 

me after my last c25k session tonight - note the BIG grin!  

When I was talking at the dinner table the other night about being almost done with c25k, my older daughters (14 & 12) asked me what my treat to myself was going to be for finishing.  I shrugged my shoulders and told them I didn't know.  I didn't think anything.  Honestly, I hadn't really thought about it.  Not sure I really ever thought I would follow through and actually finish so I never really thought about what I would treat myself to.  But after they mentioned it, I realized that I really did need to choose a reward.  I worked hard to meet this goal and I earned something for it!  So here is what I decided to get...

a visual reminder of the goal I achieved.

I will be ordering it this weekend!

C25k was more than just a workout.  I learned so much about myself through this journey.   For starters, I am stronger than I think I am.  I cannot tell you how absolutely proud of myself I am for pushing through the strongest desire to quit I may have ever experienced.  I never thought I would make it past week 1, let alone all the way to the end.  I am still not a fan of running but I love having the goal of completing it, trying to like it, and getting better.  I also realized, even though I really already knew, that sooooo much of this journey is mental.  It is making the decision to do something and finding a way to make it happen.  It doesn't have to be pretty.  It doesn't have to be a world record.  It just needs to be done.  To all of those of you that are just starting or have doubts...you can do it too! Just keep going!

As a bonus for you all (I know you are dying for it), a pic of my outfit today.  Both my teenage girls told me how cute I looked, so I must have been doing something right!  lol

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Attn Runners, Jedi mind tricks needed!

Welcome to Wonderful Wednesday my fellow friends, bloggers, and lifestyle changers!

WARNING/DISCLAIMER:  I am super cheery today (bonus points for those of you that had already guessed that one simply from the opening line).  Perhaps it was the sample of the Advocare Spark I tried this morning (guessing it has to be a placebo effect - no way the euphoria could really last all day, right).  

I personally like to credit the nice little gift I received from the scale fairy today...

That's 212.6 in case you can't read the horrible photo 

(My sincere apologies...I must have been shaking/in shock while trying to take the pic!)

That is another new low!!!!  Hot damn was I excited to see this, and especially the week after Thanksgiving!  Can you say wooooooooo hooooooooooo??!!

I have finally figured out that running is what is making my scale move in the right direction right now.  That is good news and bad news.  Good news because I LOVE seeing lower numbers on the scale!  Bad news because I HATE, HATE, HATE running.  I am learning this more and more each day.  I could walk for days and not be so miserable.  But 5 miliseconds into running and my brain and body are begging, pleading, screaming, crying, and full on tantrum throwing to stop.  I seriously have to mind eff myself the entire time....5 more minutes and you can walk some, I keep telling myself that the entire time.  I use the treadmill, so about the only way I have been getting through these long final c25k sessions is to watch tv (The Biggest Loser Season 11 - holla!) on my ipad.  TV seems to distract me from watching the clock and listening to my brain whine about not wanting to run and constantly watching the clock tick by in slow motion.  I finished season 11 this week, so I decided to try music again today....painful.  I enjoy the beat of the music.  The right song does seem to help my pace/rhythm but I need distraction to drown out the skitzo voices in my head (whiners).  28 minutes has never seemed like such an eternity before!  

Squirrel....On the plus side....only 1 official c25k session left until I am a graduate! 

(But then I just get to start over again to work on increasing my pace)

So.....what I am BEGGING you for help with is to please share your Jedi mind tricks in the comments below on how I can come to love tolerate running.  How on earth do so many of you get to the place where you enjoy (and dare I say even love) running?  Do I need a full frontal lobotomy?   Listen to subliminal messages while sleeping?  Play Ozzy records backwards?  Hypnosis?  Seriously I am about to the point I will try anything!  Help a sista out....PLEASE!!!!

Here is a little bonus pic of me for ya today, basically just because I liked the outfit and had another "I feel thin(ner)" day....LOVE those days!

It's past my bedtime so ciao peeps!

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Motivational Monday debut/Thanksgiving recap

After a totally slack week due to the Thanksgiving holiday, I definitely NEED this motivational post to get myself back on track!  I have seen several other blogger friends doing a Motivational Monday post and think this may be just what the doctor ordered for the mental struggles I have been fighting lately to get my week started off on the right foot.  So I am committing to you to post a motivational message every Monday along with my scale results for the week and a recap of my struggles/successes.  I am counting on you lovelies to keep me accountable!  If you don’t see a post, call me out on it.  I need the help!

So to kick things off, here is the inaugural Weekly motivational pic – I thought this to be soooooo appropriate following the Thanksgiving holiday indulgences I partook in (more details on that in the confessional below).

Weekly results:

Weekly scale +/- (Mon-Sun all weights):  no change 

Workouts last week:  4

Total workout time: 3 hrs 8 min

Total miles last week:  10.67

Weekly progress pic:

Confessional time:

My hubby noticed that I re-set my alarm and skipped the workout to get back in bed this morning.  When he kissed me on the cheek as he was leaving for work he whispered in my ear words of encouragement to keep going with the habit I have built and not give up and slide back into past bad behaviors (even my kids noticed the absence of my workout this morning…ouch!).  And he is 100% right!  I am on w7d3 of c25k and sooooooo close to being a “graduate” I can practically touch it!  It is sooooo mental at this point.  I am not a fan of running/jogging/slogging anyway, so I don’t look forward to those 25-30 min sessions and really have to psych myself into getting started and to keep going (I play the mental game of “5 more min and then you can walk a little bit” with myself the entire time….ugh!)  But I really need to remember how damn proud of myself each time I finish!!!  And I am trying to break my habit of cardio only and switch to strength training exercises on my non c25k days but have been really fighting myself mentally to get started there.

I do soooooooo much better when I am in my normal daily routine!  I even have a love/hate relationship with weekends.  While I love getting to relax, spend more time with my fam, get things done around the house (or more accurately/typically be a total lazy bum), and the flexibility that gives me, but on the other hand I really despise the lack of structure.  It is easier for me to blow off a workout, eat at random times or eat random things, eat out more, etc.  I just don’t have as much willpower on the weekends.

I did ok with Thanksgiving meal on Thurs (oh and got in 25 min slog after putting the turkey in the oven).  I had a small portion of mashed potatoes, ½ a baked sweet potato with a small dab of yogurt butter and small sprinkle of splenda brown sugar blend, generous serving of green beans, stuffing (didn’t add butter when making it but prob larger portion than I should have), small portion of pistachio/pineapple/whip salad.  Only had 1 plate and didn’t go back for seconds.  I was full but not miserable.  I still wasn’t too hungry at dinner time, so I just had a turkey sandwich, carrots & hummus.  I restrained from buying or making a pecan pie (my FAVE!) because I knew I would just dive in face first and eat the whole thing (prob in one day).  So I settled for 1 piece of pumpkin with ff coolwhip.  I did get the hubs, brother in law and 3 year old to go for a walk with me before it got dark to work off some of our lunch.  We were at a rather leisurely pace but got 2.6 miles in.

Friday we were just bums and watched tv in our pj’s all day….heaven!  But no workout.  Sat was Thanksgiving with my side of the fam and had group family pictures.  I was a slacker and didn't get up early to get a workout in first (excuses).  Then we went to their house for lunch.  I did pretty well  - acceptable portion of ham, small helping of scalloped potatoes, small helping of broccoli/rice casserole, 2 med helpings of salad, a slice of pineapple, small wheat roll (no butter), my only second helping was the salad.  I did have 3 glasses of wine though….doh!  Skipped dessert because I wasn't a huge fan of either of the options and could easily live without.

I was doing ok till dinner time.  Still there and we planned for appetizers/leftovers.  I brought hummus and pretzel chips and made a corn/black bean salsa with baked tortilla chips.  Not too bad.  Then my sister-in-law brings out the yummy food….ugh!  Shoot me now!  I have no willpower when it comes to stuff like this.  Seriously horrible!  I have real issues these days with not being able to control the food menu or what is around me (ok I have control issues anyway).  She made a buffalo chicken dip (served with tortilla chips).  Not sure what all was in it but I do know it had cream cheese (my kryptonite) and cheese on top.  I normally wouldn't have even tried it because of the word “buffalo” in it and I HATE spicy things, but she assured me it wasn't too spicy.  So I had a bite to try it, expecting to not like it and I swear it had crack in it and I was hooked.  Then she made these crescent roll/chicken/cream cheese popper things…..OMG there was extra crack in those!  I lost count of how many I crammed in my face, but I do know it was too many.  And dang, I had been doing so well up to that point. 

Yesterday I did pretty well during the day, woke up late (so saved calories from missing breakfast), turkey sandwich and hummus for lunch, and made omelettes for dinner (mine was a spinach, mushroom, tomato, onion with swiss cheese like the one I had at ihop last week so should have been pretty calorie friendly).  But then again had some damn pie again (dare I admit that it was not just one but 2 pieces….ugh!).  I will be soooooooo glad to see that gone….only one more piece left.

But even with my roller-coaster success/failure of a weekend from a choices perspective, the scale has remained virtually the same….within 0.2 all weekend (hallelujah!).  I know that the good choices I did make saved my hide from the indulgences that I gave in to!  So I vow to not let these slip-ups turn into a fall.  I am back on the wagon today (and really glad there is a month till Christmas so can hopefully stay on track for a while!)

I seriously LOVE the therapy this blog offers me and I already feel TONS better and ready to tackle this week after writing this!  Thanks so much to you all for taking the time to read and support me in this journey!

In the spirit of group therapy, please share your Thanksgiving confession or success story here! 

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Fall funk....womp, womp!

Again I am trying to keep it real with you peeps….life in my “journey world” is not all sunshine and rainbows at the moment.  And I am reading from lots of my fellow “journey” bloggers that they are too, so something must be going around.  A contagious fall funk perhaps?  Shall I blame the time change and excessive premature evening darkness?  

:-(

I am having an off couple of weeks.  The scale has not been kind to me.  I am not excited about my workouts (or getting up at 5am to do them).  I am not excited about my food, more tempted to make poor choices, and finding myself wanting to eat out of boredom more often again.  I still have some of my discipline (at least when I overeat, its still decent choices…not candy, cookies or fast food) and thankfully don’t have much food around me that are bad choices (I don’t buy it so I am not tempted….I cannot be trusted).  

I am not sure what is causing mine…Perhaps the uncertainty and change at work?  Or feeling “out of balance” between work, myself, and family?  The constant stress of being a working mom/wife and there not being enough hours in the day?  I think the biggest factor is the feeling that this journey is taking me FOREVER!  I have been at it over a year now.  And while I realize that 65 pounds lost is an AMAZING accomplishment, some days it is beginning to feel as though I will never see the finish line.  I have said before and will remind you again, I am not a patient person.  I would love to find the magic combination of foods, calories, exercise, sleep, etc that will keep me consistently losing weight instead of the stupid see-saw it feels like I am on....I am soooo over the same up and down!  

I am a person that is very motivated by my progress.  Seeing the number on the scale drop, clothes get looser, or inches lost make me want to work harder!  I am also the kind of person that likes the comfort of a routine.  I find comfort in knowing what I am doing is netting me results.  So during the week I have a pretty consistent routine.  The weekends seem to be what is throwing me off.  I hear that your body doesn't like routine when it comes to eating and working out through so you would think that would be a good thing, but when the scale is particularly unkind on Monday I get mad at myself for breaking my M-F schedule.  Would my results have been different if I had stuck my old regular routine?  I sure wish my body had a database that I could go back and look at how what I did impacted the result for the good or bad to know what I was doing right and wrong (yup, I am an I/T geek....I LOVE data!).

After meeting Austin & Ken Andrews from The Biggest Loser Season 11, I started finally watching that season.  While I like BL, I wasn't a faithful follower before.  Call me crazy, but I felt terribly guilty watching from the comfort of my sofa with cheeseburger, fries, pop and usually ice cream in hand (and face).  But I have found it very motivating to watch while I am working out on my treadmill.  And I just love getting a dose of "what I need to hear when I need to hear it".  This week was no exception.  So much of this journey is mental...believing that you can do things you have never done before, staying focused and determined, saying I CAN instead of I can't.  While I have been having amazing success with the C25k program and running like I haven't done in years decades, the negative voice in my head still comes out and tells me I can't and that this isn't working.  I think the thought of "failing" scares the crap outa me.  But truth be told, I am not failing.  Even a bad choice or day or week doesn't define my success or failure.  My attitude, my perseverance and my desire to keep trying and most importantly DOING does!  I WILL win this battle and achieve my goal! 

 I will NOT quit!

One thing I have realized that I need to keep the positive thoughts and motivation front and center in front of me right now to get past the middle of this journey and on to the home stretch.  So be warned, you may start seeing more "quote" and pep-talk posts from me for a while.  

posted by BL-s11's Hannah today...I needed this one!

I need to keep reminding myself how far I have come, how much I have changed, and how I am inspiring others so that the finish line doesn't seem to e still so far away.  So you may start seeing more before and after pics too!  This blog is my therapy session!

I have to give big props to my oldest daughter.  As a parent, I think often times we struggle for validation that what we say and the lessons we try to teach are sinking in.  She is a freshman in high school (yeah, I still can't wrap my head around that one!) and is taking photojurnalism this semester...she gets her love of the camera from me!  They were asked to do a portrait assignment and write about the person they selected.  Yup, she picked me!  I was very honored but especially proud to read the words she wrote about me.  http://mhsphotoj.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/jennifer-owens-2/  These are powerful words from a teenager!  This is proof that I am a role model to my family.  They do see my hard work and success.  I am making a difference in their lives and I need to use things like this to keep me moving forward!

I have also realized that I have been getting away from the basics:

• Drinking as much water (much easier to do in the summer when its warm)
• Wearing my body media fit armband
• Logging food with MFP
• Measuring food portions
• Pre-planning meals & snacks
• Not "grazing" a bite of food here and there
• Eating more fruits/veggies and less processed foods

So those are the things I am going to be working on to get past this "fall funk".  I will keep you posted on my progress.  

And let's make this a group therapy session!  I would love to hear from the readers and followers....what fall funk are you battling right now?  What are you doing to fight it?  Let's be there to support each other. There is power in numbers!

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