So today I got a lesson in making assumptions.
I went out today to get a run in before the blizzard they are predicting for us hits tonight. 5k season starts 2 weeks from yesterday....eeeeeek! I am nervous. I keep thinking the previous practice 5ks have been a fluke. That when I get to race day that I will choke and have a terrible time and totally have my brain tell my body it can't run. The mental aspect of running is such a mental struggle for me. My mind tries to tell me I can't and I keep trying to prove that I can. I am addicted to the challenge of overcoming that negative voice in my head. Overcoming that negativity, fear and doubt is what makes me stronger every day.
It was beautiful out today. The sun was shining. There wasn't much wind. It was about 45 degrees. The snow on the ground from the storm last week made a very peaceful and serene view!
I have been having trouble with my shins since last Monday after my first run in my new shoes. I haven't had shin pain since I got fitted for shoes last spring. But I was overdue for replacing my shoes (I was literally running the tread off them). I ended up with a different brand and on my Monday interval run and Saturday interval I experienced shin pain. I didn't run while traveling this week, I just stuck to walking and fortunately no pain then. But my intervals yesterday were terribly painful. I ended up having to stop at mile 2 and change back to my old tennies. The benefit of getting fitted for shoes at a running store is that they typically have a very generous exchange policy if you have problems with the shoes. So I took them back today to talk to the staff about the problems I was having. The clerk was slightly rude in my opinion, but did help me find another pair. I didn't get to try them on my outdoor run today (if they are only used indoor, easier for them to take them back). I am anxious to try them out tomorrow when I do treadmill intervals again.
Today I started strong. Maybe too strong. Quickly into my run my shins started to burn. I kept telling myself it was in my head. To push through and keep going. I slowed down to try to adjust. I made it to the 1.5 mile point and my mind won out....I started walking. I was mad at myself for giving in. I felt defeated. But I collected my thoughts and started jogging again. And then another wave of pain came and I caved a second time and started walking again. Again, I tried to quickly gather my thoughts and get back on track. Fortunately a great song came on at about mile 2.0 and inspired me to pick up my pace and begin jogging again ("Back in Time" by Pitbull in case you were wondering). And it was like I turned a corner mentally. The pain faded. I got into a groove. I overcame! I still had a few moments where I struggled to keep going, but once I started running that last time I didn't stop again until I was done! And that is why I run....to overcome the obstacles.
When I finished and looked at my final time, I was again frustrated. I was mad at myself for giving into the temptation to walk and messing up my time. I had improved my time last week from the previous week and I guess I just assumed that I would do that again today. So when I saw the time on my screen I felt defeated and like I had failed. I added my comments and posted it to my facebook page. Then I went back to compare it to last week's run....and it was then that I got schooled in the lesson of perception. I thought that having to walk indicated I had failed. So I felt defeated. But the reality was that my time today was slightly under my time last week! I was SHOCKED to see that! So lesson learned that I need to NOT make assumptions that I have failed before I even know the whole story.
Week 1 Last week TODAY!!!
What I realized was that walking doesn't define my success. It is one factor. It is an important aspect of my training, but not the only one. I am still continuing to make improvements in other areas (my overall pace). I continue to get out there and try and that is what matters. I will work hard to continue to train for my first 5k of the season on March 9th. My hope is that I will complete that first race by jogging the entire time. I will continue to push forward. But if my results are less than what I desire for myself to achieve, it will be ok. Again, it won't define me.
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