Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My inner child...what a brat!

I am feeling a bit, a little LOT schizophrenic tonight.  There is nothing like being the parent and having an argument with your inner child.  Here's a peek at our "conversation" tonight....

"It's time to get on the treadmill, hon."
"I don't want to."
"I'm sorry, you need to."
"Nooooooo, I said I don't want to."
"I know you said you don't want to.  It's only 30 minutes.  If you just go get it done then you can play on the computer for a bit before bed."
"I want ice cream."
"You can have some ice cream after you get done on the treadmill."
(Stomps off, grumbling under my breath....stupid tradmill, I hate you.  It's not fair....goes on for 28 minutes.)
Then "ok, maybe this wasn't soooooo  bad - but I am not going to tell HER that!!!"

Seriously, it is just ridiculous that I have to play such mind games with myself to get my fat ass up off the couch and get moving for a measly 30 minutes.  I am sad that I let myself get to this point.  I hate that this is such hard work to make these monumental changes in my life.  I am frustrated that I am not happy with the results I have gotten so far.  I think it sucks that I keep hitting these plateaus on the scale and I keep seeing nearly the same big stupid number every day.  I wish I knew what to change to get the "recipe for success" I so deeply desire.  I keep telling myself all the cliches...."Slow and steady", "It's a marathon, not a sprint", "I am making a lifestyle change, not just dieting".  And rest assured, I am not giving up.  I just need to vent.

I know this is a Debbie Downer kind of post.  I'm sorry but I did vow to myself be real with this blog when I created it.  I want to show you that it's not all sunshine and roses and easy happy days.  I am a real person and I have good and bad days just like everyone else.  I hope to have more good days than bad, but I believe that by sharing experiences and being a support system, we give ourselves power and strength.  So thanks for letting me vent.  I am the type of person that needs to "blow and go" every now and then.  I need to vent, scream, yell, cry, stomp and get it all out and then I can move on to a new day.  Thanks for your support and encouragement.  Now let's get the duct tape and shut that little brat up!  I'm gonna go eat my ice cream!  :-)

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